Ditch the Armor and Become Unbreakable

Why Being 'Imperfect' Is the New Strong

Oct 14, 2024

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you." —Rumi

What if everything you thought about strength was wrong?

Imagine a world where admitting your failures makes you more successful, showing your scars makes you bulletproof, and embracing your deepest fears turns you into a fearless badass. Sounds like some New Age garbage.

We've built a cult of invincibility. We're told to crush it at work, dominate in the gym, and never let them see us sweat. What's with this obsession with appearing invulnerable? It's making you weak.

Vulnerability, far from being a weakness, is the ultimate power move. You become genuinely invincible when you stop hiding behind the mask of perfection.

The Myth of Invulnerability: Armor or Prison?

This obsession with appearing invulnerable isn't strength. It's fear of wearing a fancy mask, which can cost us big time.

Remember Elizabeth Holmes? The Theranos founder who cultivated an image of unshakeable confidence, complete with a fake deep voice and that creepy "never blinking" stare? Yeah, that worked out great... until it spectacularly imploded. Or how about any number of politicians who double down on lies, unable to admit even the slightest mistake until their house of cards comes crashing down?

These might seem like extreme examples, but they highlight a truth we all face: The higher the wall you build around yourself, the more complex the fall when it inevitably crumbles.

But it's not just public figures. I've coached many executives who were terrified to admit they had no answers. The result? Entire companies suffer because one couldn't say, "I don't know, let's figure it out together."

This armor of invulnerability you think is protecting you? It's a prison. It's isolating you from real connections, stunting your growth, ramping up your anxiety, and, ironically, making you more fragile than ever. When your whole identity is built on being "unbreakable," even minor setbacks feel catastrophic.

So, what's the alternative to this charade?

A Radical Shift in Perspective

Let's talk about vulnerability. And no, I don't mean sobbing in the break room or oversharing your deepest traumas on first dates. We're not going for a pity party here. We're talking about something far more powerful and a bit scary.

Real vulnerability is about having the guts to show up as your authentic self, warts and all. It's saying, "I don't know," without your ego imploding. It's admitting when you've screwed up, asking for help when you need it, and being honest about your struggles, not pretending everything is perfect.

Now, you must be thinking. "Great, so I should just lay all my weaknesses out there and let the vultures swoop in?" Not quite. Vulnerability isn't about being a doormat or an open book. It's about being secure enough to be honest – with yourself first, then with others.

Brené Brown, the researcher who brought vulnerability into the mainstream, says, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome."

Marcus Aurelius, emperor of freaking Rome, wrote in his private journals about his flaws and struggles. Why? Because facing the truth, however uncomfortable, was the only path to genuine strength.

Think about it. When was the last time you respected someone who never admitted to being wrong? Or did you feel a real connection with someone who only showed you their highlight reel? In those moments of honesty, of showing our human side, we create authentic connections and earn genuine respect.

That's the paradox of vulnerability. By embracing what you think makes you weak, you become stronger than you could have imagined. It's not about exposing yourself to attack; it's about removing the fear of exposure altogether.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again..." —Theodore Roosevelt

The Paradox: Why Vulnerability Makes You Invulnerable

Okay, stick with me here because things get a bit mind-bending here. We've been talking about how vulnerability isn't weakness. Now I'm going to hit you with something even wilder: Vulnerability is your secret weapon to becoming damn near invincible. Yeah, you read that right.

When you embrace vulnerability, you say, "This is who I am; take it or leave it." And you know what? That's freaking liberating. Suddenly, all that energy you've wasted on keeping a perfect image? It's yours again. You're no longer at the mercy of other people's opinions because you've already accepted yourself.

What's the worst that can happen when someone criticizes you? If you've already admitted your flaws, their words lose their sting. It's like trying to blackmail someone with information they've already shared on X. Good luck with that, buddy.

But it goes deeper than just deflecting criticism. When you're vulnerable, you become more emotionally resilient. You're not constantly on guard, terrified of being "found out" or falling short of impossible standards. Instead, you're open to experiences, feedback, and growth. You're like a flexible reed that bends with the wind, while those trying to be invulnerable are rigid trees that snap in the storm.

Here's another paradox: Vulnerability builds more profound, more authentic relationships. And you know what? Strong relationships are the ultimate form of invulnerability. You become practically bulletproof when you have a network of people who know the real you and have your back.

Practical Ways to Embrace Vulnerability

Alright, I hear you thinking, "This all sounds great in theory, but how the hell do I actually do this?" Fair question. Vulnerability isn't like flipping a switch – you don't go from armored-up to open book overnight. But there are ways to flex that vulnerability muscle; trust me, it gets stronger with practice.

Let's start small. Next time you're in a meeting and need help understanding something, try this wild idea: ask for clarification. I know, revolutionary, right?

You'd be amazed how many people sit there nodding, terrified of looking stupid. You're not exposing your ignorance when you ask. You're showcasing your confidence and desire to learn. Watch how many people approach you after saying, "I'm so glad you asked that!"

Let's kick it up a notch. The next time you screw up – and let's face it, we all do – own it. No excuses, no deflections.

Just a simple "I made a mistake, and here's what I'm doing to fix it." It's not about beating yourself up. It's about showing that you're secure enough to admit when you're wrong and committed enough to make it right.

Start sharing your process, not just your results. Instead of presenting a polished final product, invite people into your thinking. Show them the messy first drafts, the dead ends, the moments of doubt. It's not about seeking validation; it's about creating a culture where innovation and risk-taking are valued over perfection.

Here's a pro tip: Celebrate failures. Yeah, you read me right.

When someone on your team takes a big swing and misses, recognize the courage it took. Talk about what you learned. Create an environment where people feel safe to take risks because that's where the magic happens.

I'm not saying you should walk into work tomorrow and start spilling your deepest, darkest secrets. This isn't a therapy session. But what if you started each day by asking yourself, "Where can I be a little more authentic today? Where can I drop the mask, even just for a moment?"

"The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility." —Paulo Coelho

The Counterintuitive Power of Letting Go of Control

Let's talk about control for a second. You probably have a love affair with control if you're anything like most of the high-achievers I've coached. You've got your five-year plan, color-coded calendar, and a death grip on every aspect of your life and career. And I get it; I also love it. Control feels safe. It feels powerful. But what if I told you that your obsession with control is making you weaker?

Here's the thing: Life is chaos. Markets crash, pandemics hit, and people let you down. The more you try to control everything, the more you set yourself up for anxiety, disappointment, and, yeah, failure. It's like holding onto a fistful of sand – the tighter you squeeze, the more it slips through your fingers.

I'm not saying you should throw your hands up and let life happen to you. But there's a sweet spot between control freak and total pushover, and that spot is where true strength lies. It's about being comfortable with uncertainty, rolling with the punches, and trusting in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.

Think about it like surfing. You can't control the waves but can learn to ride them. The best surfers aren't the ones who fight the ocean – they're the ones who work with it, who stay flexible and responsive. That's the kind of strength we're after.

Letting go of control requires you to trust others, admit you don't have all the answers, and be okay with things not going exactly as planned. In other words, it requires vulnerability. But in that vulnerability, you find a new strength—flexibility, resilience, and the ability to thrive in uncertainty.

Embrace the Paradox, Become Unbreakable

True strength is about something other than being invulnerable, having all the answers, or never showing weakness. Natural, unshakeable strength comes from embracing your humanity, flaws, and all. It's about having the courage to be seen, honest, and vulnerable.

Think about the influential people in your life. I'm not talking about the loudest voices in the room or those with the most impressive LinkedIn profiles. I'm talking about the people you trust and turn to when things get tough. Chances are, they're not the ones pretending to be perfect. They're the ones who've shown you their struggles, admitted when they don't know something, and been honest with you.

That's the paradox we've been exploring. By embracing vulnerability, by letting go of the need to appear invincible, you become genuinely invulnerable. You become resilient, adaptable, and authentic. You build deeper connections, foster more innovation, and develop the strength to weather any storm.

So here's my challenge: Where in your life are you hiding behind a mask of invulnerability? Where are you exhausting yourself trying to maintain an image of perfection? What would happen if you let that go?

I'm not saying it's easy. Vulnerability takes courage. It takes practice. But I promise you, it's worth it. Because on the other side of that fear, that discomfort, that moment of exposure – that's where true strength lies. That's where you become unbreakable.

We're not aiming for perfection here. We strive for authenticity, resilience, and the strength of being fully and unapologetically you.

So take a deep breath, take off that armor, show up as your authentic, imperfect, fantastic self, and watch as you become stronger than you ever thought possible.

You've got this. Now, go out there and be unbreakable.

Beyond Two Cents

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