Our Children are Not From Us, But Through Us
Let’s help them grow into the people they are meant to be!
We love our children and want the best for them, but we need to remember that they are themselves.
We cannot control them or make them who we want them to be. They come into this world as their selves, and it is up to us to help them grow into the people they are meant to be.
We can guide them and give them advice, but they make their own decisions in the end.
Influence vs. Imposition
As Parents, we are one of the biggest, if not most, significant influences on our children. We can influence their behavior and the choices they make. But, we cannot impose our will on them or control their lives.
I have heard people say things like “she is just like me” or “he is a chip off the old block” as if they were clones of themselves in some way. This is not true; each person has their own identity and personality that they bring into this world.
It starts by observing what your child gravitates towards, whether it be toys, books, music… then you feed them more of these things to help cultivate it into a hobby or passion that lasts throughout life!
We should be careful not to stifle our children’s creativity and individuality by imposing our own will on them. We need to allow them to grow into themselves and make their own decisions.
This is not always easy, but it is necessary if we want them to be happy and successful adults.
Some parents want their children to be like them so severely that they interfere in their natural process by imposing specific rules or restrictions, forcing them to do things they don’t want to do.
They may even try to change their interests and hobbies to look more like theirs! This is not healthy for either party involved because it can cause resentment from the child towards his parents later in life when he realizes what has happened.
Guidance vs. Control
We can guide our children without controlling their lives. Give them advice about what you think might be best for certain situations but don’t tell them how to handle those situations themselves!
Let nature take its course — your kid will make mistakes along with good decisions at some point; that’s part of growing up as we all did once upon a time :) There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, so stop trying to be one!
We need to allow our children to make their own mistakes and learn from them. This is how they will grow into responsible adults. We can guide them, but we should not control their lives.
So, where does our responsibility lie?
As parents, we are responsible for bringing our children to this world. We are accountable for their wellbeing, their safety, and their education. But we are not responsible for their lives. That is up to them and them alone.
This is a daunting realization, but we need to remember that we don’t pressure ourselves as parents. We need to allow our children to grow into themselves and make their own decisions.
It might be scary, but we can trust that they will be alright. Our job is to equip them with the tools necessary for life and then let go.
Our children do not come from us but through us.
This is not to say we don’t significantly influence them; we do. But it’s a common mistake to see them as a part of us when they are themselves.
We can guide them when needed, but ultimately it is up to them to live their lives.
Let’s help them grow into the people they are meant to be!
How do you feel about your children? Are you too controlling? Let me know in the comments!
This article was first published on Medium.com.
